All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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