tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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