So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
