My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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