kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
