Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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