All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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