i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
