I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
