I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Acid is not a monday night drug
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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