Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
