you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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