you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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