Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
