Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
