The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize