Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
