Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
