no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
