how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
