when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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