Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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