maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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