the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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