I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
