I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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