4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
