I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
