we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize