Too much gin, very little bucket
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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