oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize