i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
