you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
