You just made me feel so damn special
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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