I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
