birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
