I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
