Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
honey bunches of taint.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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