Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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