i may or may not be watching the land before time
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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