OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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