i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Swine flu is the new snow day.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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