Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize