You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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