I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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