omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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