don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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