A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
