last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
