I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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