i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
