What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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