the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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