i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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