I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
