one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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