He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
