Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize