I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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