I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
