Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just high enough for therapy.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
