The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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