im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
