Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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