I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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