I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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