He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sext me about skeletons
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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