this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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