how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
