P.S. I can't hear my feet
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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