My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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