I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We need to rekindle our bromance
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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