I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
