I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
