OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Found your dick twin last night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
