her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize