wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
