be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
