My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
