your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
