how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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