I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
