I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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