My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
