so explain again why im purple
no
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
