I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
