Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
