my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
