I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Randomize
